Feline folly

door mat at Tin City in Naples

How to Give a CAT a pill:

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a DOG a pill:

1. Wrap it in bacon.

And that is why I am a dog person ;-)

Flying

at the canoe park

Do you remember your first bike? When you first learned how to ride? When they finally let go of the seat and you flew solo? The utter terror...and total exhilaration?

It was my 6th birthday. My grandma took me to a bike store and let me pick the coolest, the shiniest, the fanciest looking bicycle they had (at least in my 6-year old opinion ;-)
My older brother taught me how to ride - it took less than half an hour - and I was flying up and down our hilly neighborhood. Do you remember that feeling of absolute power and freedom? I don't think I ever felt like that again...

"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle I no longer despair for the future of the human race." H.G. Wells

Come along! #7

This is the seventh and final installment in the week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

Hurray! We've made it to the end of the line. Our 5-mile loop through the community terminates at Redfish Point in the Florida Mangroves.

Thanks to all who participated and as a reward, those of you who never whined or complained, can join me on a boat ride to the Gulf of Mexico, on to Florida Keys and maybe even to Cuba! Who's to stop us?

The rest of you - and you know who you are - just have to walk home ;-)

Come along! #6

This is the sixth installment in a week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

Well, I can see that some of you are getting tired of all that walking...The signs are pretty clear: Kate whines, Nathalie is cranky, Chris & Deb are too hot, Pastor Rick wants to hitch a ride on a golf cart and Pat didn't even show up on Monday! What a sorry bunch you are...

So today I'll let you rest a bit on this bench at the edge of the boardwalk and just enjoy the view.
To the right is Spring Creek which we can navigate all the way to the Gulf of Mexico (via Estero Bay). On the left is the golf course.

OK, now that you've caught your second wind, we are ready for our final stretch tomorrow. Be there...or be square ;-)

Quiz Tuesday part 16

Yesterday, as we passed by Hurricane Golf Course, we all noticed this vehicle on the golf trail, didn't we ;-)

Today's question is: What is this peculiar cart doing on the golf course?

Come along! #5

This is the fifth installment in a week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

Well, you finally showed up! I've been waiting patiently, tapping my sneakered foot to the beat of Motown. All set? We are curving to the left, passing by the estate homes (this one's about $5M) and the golf course (watch out for errant balls!).

This is a good time to dispel some misconceptions about Southwest Florida. Look at that deep blue sky - do you know what is signifies? Yes, it is dry here today. As a matter of fact, our dry season is from October till May. Low humidity, no bugs, not many days above 85°F/29°C. Why do you think Florida is so popular during winter?

Summer...well, that's a whole different kettle of fish ;-)

Detour

Hope you don't mind this little detour from our walking series, but it was St. Paddy's Day yesterday and who does not love a parade? So after a short drive to downtown Naples, we joined the thousands of old and young for some Irish cheer and warm green beer ;-)



Himself arrived with a bit of a scowl...



...but Molly was all smiles despite walking miles...



...and even Chris O'Columbus could hardly miss the party.

Hope you enjoy your Sunday break, but tomorrow bright and early we are hitting the trails again. See you then...

Come along! #4

This is the fourth installment in a week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

We are at the half-way mark - how are you holding up? Another sip of water, perhaps?

We are in luck, the golfers are finished for the day, so we can use their trail to walk around the lake. Although missing today, this is the usual spot for my favorite bird...and the alligator. Like I said, we must have the luck of the Irish* today ;-)

*Happy St. Patrick Day to all the Irish and those who feel Irish today!

Come along! #3

This is the third installment in a week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

We are passing now by my favorite lagoon. Let's slow down (don't stop!) and take a peek, just in case there are any gators, herons, golfers or other wildlife I can capture for you (on camera, that is).

This is also the area where I spotted a Florida Panther one evening last year! I never realized how fast I can run...

Come along! #2

This is the second installment in a week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

The boardwalk from yesterday's post winds through the swamps...er...marshes...and spills onto this pathway. The lady in the photo is well known in the community for her unorthodox behavior - she walks at a very brisk pace...while reading a book! (see the book in her left hand)

Boy, if that was me, I would trip, fall into the pond and end up as alligator's lunch...

Come along! #1

Cedar (not mahogany!) boardwalk at the canoe park.

This is the first installment in a week-long series, where you can join me on a daily walk through my community. Comfortable shoes - mandatory! Floppy sun hat - optional ;-)

Whenever life throws me a curve, I don't waste the opportunity to learn from it. I step back and ask myself "Am I on the right track?"
This theme song from the movie "Mahogany", sung by Diana Ross, gets to the point, by simply asking:

"Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?..."

Quiz Tuesday part 15

"What the heck is that?" you are asking yourself as the page loads. Well, that's exactly what I want you to tell me (People, what do you expect of me, I just had dental surgery!).

Today' s quiz question is: what does this picture show?

Update: The answer is - spent Bougainvillea petals floating on water.